Discouragement has been the name of the game for me here lately. Especially when it comes to the youth ministry I am involved in. Basically, I feel like I am wasting my time. Half the time they are disrespectful, inconsiderate, and do not pay attention to anything that comes out of my mouth or any adult for that matter and I am about ready to throw in the towel. Does anybody else feel me on this?

At one point a majority of them were really excited about Jesus and all about prayer nights, praise & worship, and reading their bible. It was amazing they were excited to be at church they use to come to the youth building on Saturday nights to watch movies, play games, or just hang out. But then somewhere along the way it’s like they lost their fire, they fell asleep, they got off track and I just want to yell at them WAKE UP! It’s not time to slack off guys. I try to teach them and talk to them but they have excuses, they have attitudes, and they don’t have respect. Now I am left wondering where did it go?

Now I’m wondering maybe they need someone new. Maybe it’s me. Maybe it is time for me to move on and let them go, as much as that would break my heart because I have grown attached to these kids. Is there a reason that I am ready to give up? Is it really giving up or is it giving someone else a chance to touch their lives in ways that I can’t. Am I seriously having a revelation as I type this…. Maybe so, hmm.  Maybe it’s not really giving up, because I could never give up on them I will tell them Jesus loves them until the day that I die, but maybe they need someone else to tell them in ways that I can’t.

I am not actually the youth director they have someone who is over it, but they have actually been considering leaving. It’s become a common discussion between us that they have been praying and seeking God and they think that they are called to do something else and they are seriously considering leaving. So that means when they leave, I leave, because I am their help.

The thought of actually leaving the youth is sickening to me, my stomach literally hurts right now as I think about actually doing that. Because if I let them go what will the consequences be? 1. I’ll rarely see them. 2. Some may resent me. 3. I won’t be involved in a ministry and will have NO idea what to do with myself. I could go on with the list but I will stop there before I depress myself even more. Needless to say discouragement has been following me wherever I go because I feel like I’m failing at this and that really bothers me, because I really thought that this is what I was called to do. I really had thought that I was going to one day be in full-time ministry. One day I was going to be a Youth Pastor, but if I can’t handle this how can I expect myself to handle that. Maybe it was just me, maybe I’m not ready, maybe this isn’t what I am supposed to be doing

But if this isn’t it then what? What am I suppose to do? I guess you could add confused to what I’m feeling now. Discouraged & Confused.

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